just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
