New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize