even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
