Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
