i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
