so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
