Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
