I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm too high and old for this...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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