Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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