I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
