I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
