I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
