No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
