I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
