People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So many bounce houses so little time
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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