ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
