i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm too high and old for this...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
