chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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