I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
