OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize