She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
