I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
