Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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