Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
