nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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