She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
