Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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