who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
