i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
