It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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