Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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