i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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