They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
