yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
