I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
there's paper in my vomit.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
