it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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