I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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