I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
