So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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