No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I did not marry a roomba.
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