Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize