my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
