ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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