And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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