You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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