He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
