Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
