Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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