My room smells like vodka and shame
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
