I just made out with a guy for $7.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize