life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
