So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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