Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Sorry my hands just texted you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
