I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
