All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
