angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
