Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Found your dick twin last night
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
