I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
