I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
