I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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