I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
