yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it was like eating out sand paper
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
