i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We left the knife in your bed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
