kristin has been a bad kristin
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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