Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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