it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
