Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
