she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
