We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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