Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
