the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
