There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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